One word explains a lot. Friendship, everyone has a different definition of this word. I value this word with my entire heart. I didn't have a big family growing up, I had my sister, my dad and my mom. Once my parents divorced I clung to them. I am still friends with a lot of people from my elementary days, most of them are very close to me till this day. Others well have moved on.
Because of my small family that got torn apart and slowly put back together I have always treated my close friends like family. I was there when my Chase man was born, beat his mother to the hospital and he is now 7 and I still tell him that story. I was there the day (not when but after work) my homie Cadence was born, she is now 3. Weddings, funerals, hand holding after breakups and excitement for new relationships and engagements, these friends are my family.
I never thought that living in Singapore I would have to face the fact that friends are going to become distant to the point where you start questioning everything from what you did to if the person is still okay.
When you are upset, excited, or have nothing better to do you usually call on friends. See what they are up to, ask their opinion on things, talk about everything. Being in Singapore it's a lot harder to do that. When I am sad, excited or have nothing better to do I lean on Dustin. This is what I am suppose to do, he is going to be my husband, he is my best friend. The problem is, everyone can't just rely on their significant others, they go to their best friends, we all need time with our family.
It's hard, people are busy or they don't have much access to internet. Not to mention, I am on the other side of the world. So I send emails, messages on facebook and sometimes, when I am lucky, I get to see them on skype or facetime. I feel like I am being a demanding friend, sending emails, bothering people but I get lonely and just want to check in on my friends and see how they are doing. It's not an every day thing either, it's maybe once a month if that. I have gotten some responses but some I haven't heard from since I moved here. I know, Life gets in the way, people have kids and things like that so that is what makes me think that I am being selfish.
I have no out let here. I have my husband to be but that's about it. I have been upset lately and it was to the point of this morning (the 29th) where all I wanted to do was talk to my mom (I vent to her often), because usually she is just a phone call away, but here, not so much. Thankfully I had a friend online and she was giving me words of advice and hated that I was going though some things. This person was on vacation, took time out of the day to calm me down on their vacation. I have only known this person for three years, I wouldn't have expected that from this person, or anyone for that matter, your on vacation. But I know if roles were reversed, I would be doing the same thing as this person was.
I posted things about how frustrated I was and was amazed at how our friends from Rhode Island were there to ask what they could do. Remember, they were Dustin's friends first but now have become really close to me, to the point of me wanting to move there if I get to take my mom and our neighbor Jason as well. These ladies and guys are so wonderful and have made me feel like family. I couldn't believe that they (yes all of them have kids) would take time out of their busy lives to help with what I needed. I am truly blessed to have become a part of Dustin's Rhode Island family.
The former roomies were there for me too. Honestly miss and love those guys and am lucky we are still such great friends after we have all parted ways residence wise.
I just don't understand why some, just don't try anymore. Like I said, I know life is busy for most, but if you have five minutes to spend on facebook, another five for pintrest, and to check email, wouldn't you have time to send a quick email explaining hey, I got your note, I am so busy I will be getting back to you by such and such time. Miss you. Something like that. Sounds bitchy right? I hate myself for thinking this way.
I have been doing a lot of searching for answers and haven't really come up with one. Quotes have helped me out but I don't have the guts to sit down and doubt friendship with others. Have we truly moved on? We are not the people we once were, we have all chanced in many ways over the years. Some have already cut off ties with me, I have no idea why. No warning, just poof no long friends on facebook and no longer want anything to do with me. I was so sad because I kept thinking, what have I done, what can I do to fix this. This person has been my friend for years, there must be something I can do. But then, is it worth it? They didn't want to fight to keep the friendship, they just moved on and became mean and hurtful. I will never understand it and am having a hard time moving on.
So how do we do it? How do we just cut ties with people we have known, trusted and treated like family? It's not like I want to burn my bridges, but should I distance myself like some have done? Should I just stop worrying about what others think and do it? I am a worrier, thats what I have done since I was really little (ask my parents). So I worry, what's going on, what do people think, how can I fix myself to be the person they want me to be because I value that friendship that much? How does that make me look then? Why has our friendship faded? Have I become a worse person?
It's easy to answer the questions, if they don't like you then why keep them in your life, don't fight for someone who is not willing to fight for you. The words are easy to say but the actions are harder. To actually cut off a friendship is a lot harder and how do you do it 10,000 miles away. I am afraid that if I distance myself from some, all of them are going to see that and not like it and then I will end up with no friends at all except Dustin. I don't want to put him though that (ha ha) but what do I do? I do have a lot of time on my hands so I over think things, but I guess it will take time to come to the decision of distancing myself from others, we shall see I guess.
Thanks for reading and listening to me vent everyone. I value your friendship and have no idea what I would do with out you all in my life. You all help me become a great person, after all friendship and family help mold a person right? I miss you all and can not wait to be back home and see you all! xoxo
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Friday, 20 January 2012
Riding for the Disabled in Singapore From the beginning
Everyone knows that I have been volunteering at RDA (riding for the disabled) and have been loving it. Every 8 weeks there are usually a new set of students. When I started I was at the end and only had two sessions and the students already knew what it was all about. After the holidays we started with new students, well new for me. (When students go though the program we can recommend them for coming back or not so some of the students are repeaters.)
The first day was exciting. New kids, new abilities. We got the chance to pick what kids or horse we wanted to work with. Sophie and I picked a smaller horse and looked up the kids disabilities. We had a girl and a boy. The girl had Cerebral Palsy or CP, she was also deaf (had a hearing aid in one ear) and the boy had Autism. We realized that with CP the girl could be in a wheel chair which would be a challenge but one I was ready for.
After we looked over the students files we had a mini meeting of what the day was going to entail. We were going to have the kids meet the horses, get on the horses and get a feel for them. Lucky for Sophie and myself our students had experience so we figured we didn't have to do too much coaching.
9:30 hit and we were gearing up ready for the kids. All of them came off the bus and were walking toward us. Yes I said All of them were walking. Sophie and I didn't see a wheel chair. We looked and found our girl who was the first rider. It turns out she wasn't in a wheel chair. So we fit her with a helmet and asked her if she was ready to ride, and boy was she. She got up, grabbed our hands and we went toward the ring. We told her that she had to wait until her horse got up to the steps. She nodded and was excited. This little one could not speak but she knew what was going on around her.
Once we get children on the horse we have to prompt them to say walk on, so we do a count "1, 2, 3 walk on". We did not have to say this to the girl. She could not talk but she rose her arms up a little bit and shook them twice for walk on. She was a pro. Sophie and I were truly impressed. We didn't have to remind her what to do, she knew the commands for whoa by pulling on the reigns and leaning back a little.
We walked around the ring a couple of times and after going though the motions we go her pads to put in front of her so she knew she could just tap on the commands. Once we put it on there she knew what to do. She did not want help from anyone at any time. She knew what she was doing and let us know.
Her turn came to an end and we went to the second child, the boy. This boy reminded me of a very younger version of one of my students back home. He was very spacey and just in his own world. He was excited to go riding. Once we took his braid out that was on the top of his head (it's a religion thing, and only a person of Punjabi religion could touch his hair) fitted him with a helmet he was ready, he wanted to be first. Once it was his turn he got on the horse and was ready to go. In a very loud voice he said walk on! After that he became spacey.
Sophie and I found ourselves repeating saying hold your hands up, stay on the yellow marks, point your heels down, and we had to keep telling him to look forward and not pay attention to what was going on with others, we also had to tell him to stop singing and talking about movies. It was exhausting but I stood my ground and everyone was impressed of how long I could go, I told them I had experience with one student from my old job back in the states (Yes Kara Jacobs you know who I am talking about).
After the kids had gone we debrief and talk about the horses and the kids and how everyone did. This is when we found out why our little darling girl was not in a wheel chair. Apparently she was in the program last year and was in a wheel chair, after a year she was able to walk. Apparently her and her mother both had the same motivation and physical therapy did wonders for her. I was in shock to the point of almost tears. This was so moving, and proves that just because a child has a disability does not mean that they are stupid. This girl is smart and determined and it will get her far.
After we debriefed we went to lunch at the polo club and caught up on how everyone was doing. It was great.
The second day our girl was not there, she was most likely sick. So we just had our boy and it was a challenge. The different thing about the day was that there was an obstacle course where the students would learn how to steer the horse. It took all we had just to get the boys hands up and hands on the right color, prompting him to say woah and walk on, so steering was not going so well. We took a trail walk and at the end of it, he finally held up his hands! The little things that make you excited!
Because we only had one student Sophie and I were free for an hour, until we were approached and asked if one of us could help out with another side walker, so I volunteered. This little boy had autism as well but was very sweet. He kept repeating that his horses name was Shamus, and he was a brown horse and that we were going to go for a walk in the jungle. We had to prompt him a couple of times for his hands but all in all it was a good in the end.
Once we were debriefing we were all talking about our kids. One caught me off guard a little bit. One person said that she had a hard time to get her child to make eye contact with her. I asked what the student had and she said autism. Now I am no expert but one thing I do know is that most autistic children do not look anyone in the eyes. The person in charge of the lessons said it would be challenging but just try to have them look at the side walkers nose or forehead. I wanted to say something but there were so many voices that I didn't. I wanted to tell them that they can't force an autistic child to look them in the eyes, if the child could they would. If the subject comes up again I may say something.
After it all we went to the polo club for lunch and caught up again, Sophie had just gotten engaged and of course, all of us being girls, we wanted to hear the entire story.
I am truly blessed with the girls from RDA and all of our friends here. I am really enjoying RDA, I know I have said it a million times but it makes me feel a little closer to home because it reminds me of all the kids I taught at home. I can't wait to see how the kids in this 8 weeks change and grow to become better riders!
The first day was exciting. New kids, new abilities. We got the chance to pick what kids or horse we wanted to work with. Sophie and I picked a smaller horse and looked up the kids disabilities. We had a girl and a boy. The girl had Cerebral Palsy or CP, she was also deaf (had a hearing aid in one ear) and the boy had Autism. We realized that with CP the girl could be in a wheel chair which would be a challenge but one I was ready for.
After we looked over the students files we had a mini meeting of what the day was going to entail. We were going to have the kids meet the horses, get on the horses and get a feel for them. Lucky for Sophie and myself our students had experience so we figured we didn't have to do too much coaching.
9:30 hit and we were gearing up ready for the kids. All of them came off the bus and were walking toward us. Yes I said All of them were walking. Sophie and I didn't see a wheel chair. We looked and found our girl who was the first rider. It turns out she wasn't in a wheel chair. So we fit her with a helmet and asked her if she was ready to ride, and boy was she. She got up, grabbed our hands and we went toward the ring. We told her that she had to wait until her horse got up to the steps. She nodded and was excited. This little one could not speak but she knew what was going on around her.
Once we get children on the horse we have to prompt them to say walk on, so we do a count "1, 2, 3 walk on". We did not have to say this to the girl. She could not talk but she rose her arms up a little bit and shook them twice for walk on. She was a pro. Sophie and I were truly impressed. We didn't have to remind her what to do, she knew the commands for whoa by pulling on the reigns and leaning back a little.
We walked around the ring a couple of times and after going though the motions we go her pads to put in front of her so she knew she could just tap on the commands. Once we put it on there she knew what to do. She did not want help from anyone at any time. She knew what she was doing and let us know.
Her turn came to an end and we went to the second child, the boy. This boy reminded me of a very younger version of one of my students back home. He was very spacey and just in his own world. He was excited to go riding. Once we took his braid out that was on the top of his head (it's a religion thing, and only a person of Punjabi religion could touch his hair) fitted him with a helmet he was ready, he wanted to be first. Once it was his turn he got on the horse and was ready to go. In a very loud voice he said walk on! After that he became spacey.
Sophie and I found ourselves repeating saying hold your hands up, stay on the yellow marks, point your heels down, and we had to keep telling him to look forward and not pay attention to what was going on with others, we also had to tell him to stop singing and talking about movies. It was exhausting but I stood my ground and everyone was impressed of how long I could go, I told them I had experience with one student from my old job back in the states (Yes Kara Jacobs you know who I am talking about).
After the kids had gone we debrief and talk about the horses and the kids and how everyone did. This is when we found out why our little darling girl was not in a wheel chair. Apparently she was in the program last year and was in a wheel chair, after a year she was able to walk. Apparently her and her mother both had the same motivation and physical therapy did wonders for her. I was in shock to the point of almost tears. This was so moving, and proves that just because a child has a disability does not mean that they are stupid. This girl is smart and determined and it will get her far.
After we debriefed we went to lunch at the polo club and caught up on how everyone was doing. It was great.
The second day our girl was not there, she was most likely sick. So we just had our boy and it was a challenge. The different thing about the day was that there was an obstacle course where the students would learn how to steer the horse. It took all we had just to get the boys hands up and hands on the right color, prompting him to say woah and walk on, so steering was not going so well. We took a trail walk and at the end of it, he finally held up his hands! The little things that make you excited!
Because we only had one student Sophie and I were free for an hour, until we were approached and asked if one of us could help out with another side walker, so I volunteered. This little boy had autism as well but was very sweet. He kept repeating that his horses name was Shamus, and he was a brown horse and that we were going to go for a walk in the jungle. We had to prompt him a couple of times for his hands but all in all it was a good in the end.
Once we were debriefing we were all talking about our kids. One caught me off guard a little bit. One person said that she had a hard time to get her child to make eye contact with her. I asked what the student had and she said autism. Now I am no expert but one thing I do know is that most autistic children do not look anyone in the eyes. The person in charge of the lessons said it would be challenging but just try to have them look at the side walkers nose or forehead. I wanted to say something but there were so many voices that I didn't. I wanted to tell them that they can't force an autistic child to look them in the eyes, if the child could they would. If the subject comes up again I may say something.
After it all we went to the polo club for lunch and caught up again, Sophie had just gotten engaged and of course, all of us being girls, we wanted to hear the entire story.
I am truly blessed with the girls from RDA and all of our friends here. I am really enjoying RDA, I know I have said it a million times but it makes me feel a little closer to home because it reminds me of all the kids I taught at home. I can't wait to see how the kids in this 8 weeks change and grow to become better riders!
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